Paralytic States

She could hear them fucking through those thin hotel walls
She heard babies crying, she heard laughter, she heard sirens
Red and blue lights flashing through those cheap hotel drapes
Blood spilled out on the porcelain
The bathtub's overflowingParalytic states of dependency
Our waking life's just a living dream
Agitated states of amazement
Never quite the woman that she wanted to be
Never quite the woman that she wanted to beSpread out face down on those stained cheap hotel sheets
She spent the last years of her life running from the boy she used to be
Cut her face wide open
Shaved the bone down then pumped her lips up exaggerated
A fucked up kind of feminineNever quite the woman that she wanted to beNight time at the hotel
There was fighting in the hall
Thin chain lock to keep the world out
She held her breath till it was gone
Standing naked in front of that hotel bathroom mirror
In her dysphoria's reflection, she still saw her mother's sonBy the time the ball dropped, it was already over
No resolutions for the new year beginning tomorrow