Fine Romance

A fine romance with no kisses 
A fine romance, my friend, this is 
We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes (to-mah-toes, dear) 
But you're as cold as yesterday's mashed po-tah-toes (potatoes) 

A fine romance, you won't nestle 
A fine romance, you won't even wrestle 
You've never mussed the crease in my blue serge pants 
You never take a chance, this is a fine romance 

A fine romance, my good fellow 
You take romance, I'll take Jello 
You're calmer than the seals in the Arctic Ocean 
At least they flap their fins to express emotion 

A fine romance, my dear Duchess 
Two old fogies, we really need crutches 
You're just as hard to land as the Ile de France! (Fronce) 
I haven't got a chonce (chance), this is a fine romance 

A fine romance, my good woman 
My strong, aged-in-the-wood woman 
You never give those orchids I send a glance 
They're just like cactus plants, (oh boy) 
This is a fine romance!