Pirates Don't Take Baths

When I was just a little swabby I liked two things, getting dirty

and playing pirate. Pirates live lives of adventure on the high

seas, get as dirty as they want—and they don’t take baths.

I said I was a pirate,

Cause pirates don’t take baths

But my mom said, honey,

That’s not a righteous path.

She said, my dear, you stink

And then she plopped me in the sink

She went rub, scrub

Rub, scrub, scrub-a-dub-dub-dub

Head to toe & in between,

And now I’m squeaky clean.

Still thought I was a pirate

And still could not keep clean

So my dad said, son,

You’re kind of ripe, know what I mean?

He said take off those clothes

And then he sprayed me with the hose

He went squirt, squart

Squirt, squart, oooohhhh that’s cold!

That water made me scream

But now I’m squeaky clean

I got a little older

Still had that pirate smell

And my teacher, Mrs. Crocco

Did not like that real well

So when I got to school

She went and threw me in the pool

I went splash, splosh

Splish, splash, cannonball!

It seemed a little mean

But now I’m squeaky clean

I go scrub-a-dub-a-dub-a-dub-a-dub-a-dub-a-dub-dub

rub-a-dub-a-dub-a-dub-a-dub-a-dub-a-dub-dub

scrub-a-dub-a-dub-a-dub-a-dub-a-dub-a-dub-dub

Now I’m squeaky clean

I was a dirty human being

But Now I’m squeaky clean

BASS SOLO

I was a dirty human being

But now I’m squeaky clean.

Got to be a grown-up

But a pirate still inside

When my boss said it was bath time

I’d still run and hide

Cause when it was time to take

My bath she’d shove me in the lake

I’d go flit, float

Basically I’d just float

My hair’s a little green

But now I’m squeaky clean

So now I’m a real pirate

And I sail the seven seas

No one tells me when I’m dirty

I can wash up when I please

And when I get the notion

I just jump into the ocean.

Aarrrrrr! Hoist the loofah, matey!

Swab off me timbers!

My crew knows what I mean

And I get squeaky clean.

That’s the end of my story. I’m living my dream on the high

seas. And you can do the same—just be true to your inner

pirate, and it’s okay to clean up a little now and then, but

remember, pirates don’t take baths.

Rub, Scrub,

Scrub, Rub, Scrub-a-dub-dub

I was a dirty human being, but now I’m squeaky clean.